Week 14- About to Turn Back

This year has been full of change. My family has been altered by so much newness in our lives. Coming back to school was not a decision that we took lightly, but I still was not prepared. 

I have learned to trust God more deeply. I have learned that God provides a way when a prompting is given. I have learned that I have control over almost nothing in my life, and that when I stop trying to control everything that peace comes and things work themselves out. I have also learned that God is aware of me and my family. Obedience brings blessings and as I strive to prioritize correctly, that God will bless my family in spite of our lack of time, energy, etc. I have struggled in multiple ways. I have had confusion and sorrow fill my mind. I have felt overwhelmed. I felt like a failure in so many ways. 

In the Book of Mormon, Ammon shares something in Alma 26 that stood out to me. "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold the Lord comforted us, and said: Go...and bear with patience thine afflictions and I will give you success." (Alma 26:27). This verse rings true to me in so many ways. I have questioned myself, my ability to receive revelation, my ability to succeed, and more. I have cried and worried and continued to turn to God for confirmation of my choices. And when I was ready to quit (turn back), God sent comfort. Comfort sometimes came as a peaceful feeling. It came as a sister or mother checking on me. It came as a neighbor who offered to bring dinner after I had prayed about feeling lonely. 

As I have been been optimistic and patient in all of my stress, I truly have been given bits of success. I've had ideas to help my children or have gotten a decent score on a test when my study time was extremely limited. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Spencer W. Kimball, "Unless the way we live draws us closer to our Heavenly Father and to our fellowmen, there will be an enormous emptiness in our lives." He also has said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other..."

Ammon was an incredible example of serving others and showing God's true love. He was a patient teacher and trusted God's time table, because of this he was able to convert many to the Gospel. "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things..."  (Almo 26:12)

If you read the story of Ammon, you know that he is not weak, but he didn't claim the strength and ability he had. He credits God for all that he is able to do. 

I know that this year I have been lead to do things that I did not have strength to do on my own. I know that God has given me strength and sent living angels to help me move forward. I am so thankful for all that I am learning and for the opportunities that I am being prepared for. I pray that my faith will continue to grow and that I can share my own testimony through who I am and the things I choose to do. I love my Heavenly Parents with all my heart and I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices that have been made by my earthly parents (and in-laws), grandparents, and other ancestors who have made my life possible. We really are connected more than I ever realized. I am grateful for God's comfort and for support of my husband and family as we continue on this journey. 

Week- 13 O Lord, Give Us Strength

This semester has stretched me in ways that I did not foresee. I have tried very hard to listen for direction. During low points, I have pleaded for confirmation of my current course or redirection if necessary. 

I have learned that I am limited. That isn't a bad thing, but it is frustrating at times when I cannot do I that I hope to do. I have had to learn to let go of my own understanding of success and do the best I can with who I am and what I have. Aligning my will with God's has been refining and difficult, but also deepening, inspiring, and hopeful. 

We have been continuing in the Book of Alma in my class. As I have relearned Alma and Amulek's story, I have learned much. As we walk the narrow path it is surely not easy. Alma is rejected, but still commanded to return and try again. Amulek helped Alma, and then, when the people destroy the believers by fire, reason tells us that his family was likely among the victims. He loses his family. He longs to call on God to deliver them, but he is asked to have faith and wait. How difficult that must have been for both Alma and Amulek to have to stand by and see the torture. They withstand terrible prison conditions- treated in the opposite way in how God asks us to treat others. They were hungry, thirsty, naked, and bound. They were abused and mocked, yet they remained silent. This is just another example where I see similitude to that of Jesus Christ. They were patient in their afflictions until the power of God came upon them and they rise. Then Alma asks (Alma 15:26), "How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? O Lord, give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance."  I have prayed this (in different words) before. I have had difficulties and struggles, just like everyone else. I get overwhelmed and discouraged. I deal with depressive tendencies and self-doubt. I worry that I am ruining my children and not doing enough in my marriage. I worry that my efforts in school will never be enough. I fear failure. And yet, I have faith that God will lead me. I can learn to be more patient in my afflictions like Alma and Amulek. My trials are different and not as extreme as theirs, but the struggle is enormous at times for me. I am grateful for the knowledge that the scriptures give me. I am so thankful for the people of the past who influence my future and improve my understanding of what I desire. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents who watch over me, love me, and encourage me through prayer, the words of the prophets, and through personal revelation. 

Miracles happen for Alma and Amulek and they emerge unharmed, even thought logic cannot explain this. They do not hesitate to continue in teaching people about God's plan. How they must have emerged stronger, more faithful, and dealing with some very painful realities. Amulek joins Alma as they move on to a new town to teach and their story goes on from their. 

I did not remember much about Amulek before reading, but I will not be forgetting his strength and faith any time soon. I will look to him, and Alma, and Abinadi, and others who have lived to share God's love and His call to come unto Him. I hope that I too can teach those around me and that my weaknesses will not prevent me from acting how God would have me act regardless of the difficulties ahead. I am so grateful for my journey here on this earth. May God give us all strength. 

Week 12- Peace in Bondage

With the pending Thanksgiving break this week, I have been very busy/overwhelmed with tests and homework. I have also (like the lunatic that I am) been trying to give the kids more of my time when I can and praying that I have the energy and the mind to study after my first priorities are taken care of. I can see our family heading toward better things and I have been gifted with ideas to implement with my home routine. Being in school while still trying to take care of my family and home is lonely sometimes. There is little time for anything but responsibilities. I follow a routine and sometimes feel like I am trapped. I think many people feel this way.

In Mosiah 19 we read about some of the post-Abinadi chaos. Gideon chases the cowardly King Noah. The Lamanites attack. Families try to flee. Men leave their families. The king and his priests escape. Some women (daughters) protect their families and plead with the Lamanites for mercy. The Lamanites spare Limhi and his people if they will pay half of what they have as tribute. They are in bondage. They are trapped, nevertheless (see what I did there?) "Limhi began... to establish peace among his people." (v.27).  They found peace with one another. They found peace even with Lamanites standing guard so that thee would not flee into the wilderness. And still the people of Limhi "did have continual peace" (v. 29).

Chaos can wreak havoc. Chaos can do plenty of damage if we are not establishing our selves and seeking that peace that can come. Back in Mosiah 16:9 we read of Christ, "He is the light and life of the world; yea, a light that is endless and can never be darkened." I personally find peace in Christ. I find peace in the words of the scriptures and in communication with the Spirit. "I testify we have a living Savior, Jesus Christ, and with His power and light we will be enabled to push back the darkness of the world..." I love the imagery of this quote from Sister Marriott. As we are filled with the power of our Savior we can overcome the chaos around us and find peace as we push back against the darkness of the world.

(This week in my Book of Mormon class we read Mosiah chapters 15-28.)

Week 11- Yet they were diligent

This week we covered Mosiah 4-14. I wish that you could be a fly on the wall of my class so that you too could learn new things or have old things be confirmed anew. Each week I share only a little peek into all that could be gleaned from the chapters that I read. Deciding what to share each week is a difficult task, because I want you to be filled spiritually like I am.

I love many things about contents of the Book of Mosiah. I love the counsel from King Benjamin. I marvel at Abinadi and his faith, strength, and courage.

The Book of Mormon is repetitious. There is a God. God is LOVE. Repent and return. Christ will come. Some repeated ideas that caught my eye in these chapters were obedience and diligence. Mosiah 4:27 is quoted often about man not running faster than he has strength. Then it continues, "It is expedient that he should be diligent".  Mosiah 5:5 Obedience "in all things that [God] shall command us." Mosiah 6:6 King Mosiah followed after King Benjamin and "did walk in the ways of the Lord,...and did keep his commandments in all things whatsoever he commanded him." Mosiah 7:33 Serve the Lord "with all diligence of mind". Mosiah 8:8 They were lost, and "yet they were diligent".

Abinadi was surely diligent and obedient. We get a glimpse of Abinadi in chapter 7. Then in chapter 11 Abinadi preaches to the people and they hate him for it. Two years later he is commanded to return to King Noah and his people. This must have been faith-testing. I feel like he knew what he was headed into. I think that he knew he was going to die. He had to wear a disguise just to get into the city. I feel like there is similitude to the Savior and to Joseph Smith in this story. He subjected himself to these unworthy men, even when he knew that he was not going to be treated fairly. He diligently obeyed and asked that those that he taught to examine themselves concerning their own obedience and then make changes. In the end he stood firm in his testimony. He diligently stood tall and demanded that God's message be heard and once he had fulfilled what God had asked of him he tells them, "It matters not whither I go, if it so be that I am saved."

He is sure in his testimony. He was obedient and he, like Nephi, went and did as God commanded him. He did not run faster than his strength, but I am sure that it took time for him to strengthen himself to be ready for such a mission. Diligence and obedience builds strength for future endeavors. I hope that as I continue in my own testimony that I will be strengthened in my efforts and be able to run faster and further in the future.

Week 10- That they might give thanks...

Each week we are taught so many fascinating truths in class. Some concern doctrines. Some character. Some are scholastic in nature. I really ought to be sharing many of them in extra emails and posts, but I don't often have extra time. We are asked to take something from our personal reading and be the teacher. We are asked to share our own insights and not just regurgitate what was taught by the instructor.

This week I read from the Book of Enos through Mosiah chapter 3. I love the plainness of truth in chapter 3 of Mosiah. I love the honesty of Omni and wish that I knew more of his story. I love how the words of Enos make me want to find my own hunger that I might follow his example and find forgiveness for my mistakes and faith for a better future for those around me. Give the Book of Mormon a chance. If you give it an earnest reading, you will be filled with knowledge and the Spirit will find place within you. Probably my favorite thing about reading the Book of Mormon is that the more you read with purpose the more the Holy Ghost will abide in you. I can't tell you the number of times I have needed confirmation or comfort and after a few verses (sometimes only one) I am filled. Comfort and peace are needed in the turmoil of life and there is a sure way to find them. Pray with desire to believe and read with intent.

There are a few thoughts that I want to share from Mosiah 2. In verse 3, and into verse 4, it tells of the people bringing their "firstlings of their flocks, that they might offer sacrifice and burnt offerings according to the law of Moses;" "And also that they might give thanks to the Lord their God".

When I read this, I stopped and wondered, "what do I sacrifice to give thanks to God?" 

In this life, it seems that few actively ponder how or what they can sacrifice to show thanks. I know that I haven't thought much about it. I give my time to my children. I try to look for ways to help those around me, but I am flawed and human and I make mistakes without number. But when I help others around me or go out of my way to serve is it really a sacrifice? Doesn't God bless us when we serve his children? Perhaps this is why King Benjamin brings up this idea in verse 20-21 in chapter 2. Even after giving thanks, praise, service, etc we are still "unprofitable servants". I don't think that he means to put down or teach that we are worthless, but that we will always be indebted to God and Christ for all that they have given us. They do not want us to fee bad about this, but understanding this concept helps us see their great love for us. They know (and so do we, I think) that we will never make the cut, but they will reward our efforts. 

There is so much more to this chapter, but I will end with the last verse. If we will "hold out faithful to the end" then we can be with God and our family (extended eternal and earthly) again and we will have the chance to "dwell with God in a state of neverending happiness." That is a lovely and incredible promise. I am so grateful for King Benjamin sharing the plain and precious truths in his address. If you can, I encourage you to read it again. 

Week 9- We knew of Christ

Last week we read the Book of Jacob.  I love many of things that we are taught in class. There was some verses on marriage. I now have a greater understanding of the allegory in chapter 5 of the Master and his vineyard.

We Knew of Christ. Do you still know? 

For myself, I've thought much on the beginning of chapter 4. As I read the verses about engraving things on the plates, I kept thinking about how this could apply to my own life. 

 "1 Now behold, it came to pass that I, Jacob, having ministered much unto my people in word, (and I cannot write but a little of my words, because of the difficulty of engraving our words upon plates) and we know that the things which we write upon plates must remain;

 2 But whatsoever things we write upon anything save it be upon plates must perish and vanish away; but we can write a few words upon plates, which will give our children, and also our beloved brethren, a small degree of knowledge concerning us, or concerning their fathers—

 3 Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates, hoping that our beloved brethren and our children will receive them with thankful hearts, and look upon them that they may learn with joy and not with sorrow, neither with contempt, concerning their first parents."

My eyes kept falling on the words plates and I tried to think how you might be able to replace the word "plates" with "our lives" or something similar. 

Go back and read it again with the replacement. It's not perfect, but it works for me. It can be difficult to engraven God's words upon our lives. "We know that the things which we write upon our lives must remain."  

The scripture about where your treasure is there is your heart also comes to mind. Am giving effort to my feelings and allowing my beliefs to write themselves into my life?  

"And we labor diligently to engraven these words upon our lives, hoping that our beloved brethren and children will receive them with thankful hearts." 

Do I labor diligently to "engraven" the Word of God upon my life? Engraven implies work, maybe repetition. Perhaps patience. If someone looks at my life, is it clear that I love God and that I want to live for Him? Has his word become a part of me? 

And then comes verse 4. 

"4 For, for this intent have we written these things, that they may know that we knew of Christ, and we had a hope of his glory many hundred years before his coming; and not only we ourselves had a hope of his glory, but also all the holy prophets which were before us."

For some reason the premortal life came to mind as an added "liken" layer. All of us who come to this earth to experience mortality "knew of Christ". These could be the words of any of us. We KNEW of Christ and had hope in his glory since the plan was presented to us. 

These verses are incredible thinking of them in the historical context. They knew about Abraham and Isaac and the symbolism, and they knew the name that Christ would be called, etc. hundreds of years before He came to earth. 

 "5 Behold, they believed in Christ and worshiped the Father in his name, and also we worship the Father in his name. And for this intent we keep the law of Moses, it pointing our souls to him; and for this cause it is sanctified unto us for righteousness, even as it was accounted unto Abraham in the wilderness to be obedient unto the commands of God in offering up his son Isaac, which is a similitude of God and his Only Begotten Son."

 "6 Wherefore, we search the prophets, and we have many revelations and the spirit of prophecy; and having all these witnesses we obtain a hope, and our faith becometh unshaken, insomuch that we truly can command in the name of Jesus and the very trees obey us, or the mountains, or the waves of the sea."

"7 Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things."

 We knew of Christ and in this life we must come to know of him again. I hope that as I search the prophets, and as I receive more revelation that my faith will become unshaken. With God's power we do anything. 

What an Experience! - Sister Beck

SFL Alumni Honoree Guest Lecture: Julie B. Beck.

“What an Experience!” Given Thursday, October 16, 2014 at Brigham Young University

(These are my notes from the lecture.)

            Sister Julie Bangeter Beck gave a lecture for the School of Family Life. Her main topic covered her experiences at Brigham Young University, and she also talked about lessons she has learned. While her focus did not pertain to Human Development directly, I was provided with strength for my personal development.

            She related a story about her parents making goals when they got married. One of the goals was that they wanted all of their children to get a college degree. Her parents have ten children. All ten graduated at BYU. She said that we sometimes think that dreams will come magically out of everyday life and going through the motions. This goes back to Adam and Eve. They had expected life to be one way, and their transgression (or “life experience” Sister Beck said) gave them more. She referred to Moses 5:10-11. Our life experience may be more difficult than we anticipate, but we can look back with appreciation. She mentioned the commandment to “Be Fruitful”. “You don’t need a book to remember that.” We can be fruitful in all aspects of life.

Her journey at BYU was a bit non-traditional. Sister Beck attended Dixie College even after a High School counselor had advised her against college because she did not have the grades and was not smart enough. She graduated from Dixie. She and her husband relocated to BYU. After paying tuition, they had $3 left until they got to their next payday. By some miracle they made it. After a semester or two she stopped school so she could work to help them get by. She had a few children, and then, because of the help of family, specifically one sister, she was able to go back to finish. She even attended school with 5 of her siblings. He mother made them all a bologna sandwich every day, and she ate it regardless of her dislike of bologna. She took 18 credit hours per semester. She put her books away when she was home with her children. How she managed to take care of her family, act as Primary President, and pass all of her classes, I do not know. She talked of being able to organize well, and how she had better thinking and communication skills. She knew what a priority was better than some of her younger classmates.

This was the most inspiring part of her talk concerning my own development. I am a transfer, non-traditional student. I am married and have three young children. I am so blessed and so overwhelmed. I was not planning on returning to school until my youngest was, at least, in first grade, but I received a prompting. God got her through all of it. He will help me too.

She finished her lecture with the following life lessons.

Be Fruitful

            The world discourages fruitfulness. Multiply your family, talents, and abilities. We are here to have dominion and leadership.

Life is a battle against inertia

            Getting up is harder than getting going. Break down big projects into small bites. Her mother had them do “1, 2, 3, 4” every day. 1. Get up. Get on your knees. 2. Prayer. 3. Scriptures. 4. Get dressed (and make bed).

Try to be happy

            Pray to be happy and work at being happy now. Crisis+Time=Humor. Be of Good cheer. 

Life is a battle of Priorities

            It is essential, necessary, or nice to do. Do the essentials daily. Do service.

Mistakes are how we learn

            Mistakes are how we learn, so get started on mistakes! She was not provided a translator on a visit to another country. Had to speak Spanish asking “¿Cómo se dice...?” often. Life is mistakes and the atonement liberates us.

Give service

            There is nothing like serving to reveal weaknesses, humility, and to purify. Rely on the Lord.

There is always a way out of a problem

            Use at least two heads for every problem, and one of them should be the Lord’s. We all have more support than we think we have. 

Relationships that are worth it never go smoothly

            Families are a crucible. Investment in family takes time.

Our own vision of life is too limited without God

Seek, receive, and act on revelation. Holy Ghost + Atoning power=Amazing partnership. The Lord needs valiant servants.

 (Sister Beck had many family members attend including her mother, husband, siblings, children, and grandchildren. She answered a few questions following her lecture.)

Week 8- Begin to See

READING: 2 Nephi 25-33.

There is usually so much I could share from my assigned reading. It is amazing how even after multiple readings of the Book of Mormon that there are new insights and ideas. My understanding deepens even on chapters that I previously thought I understood.

This week the verse that won't let go of me is from 2 Nephi 30. In verse 5 it says that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is declared and knowledge is restored concerning the Gospel. Here is verse 6:  "And then shall they rejoice; for they shall know that it is a blessing unto them from the hand of God; and their scales of darkness shall begin to fall from their eyes; and many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a pure and a delightsome people."

The footnote refers to the scales as Spiritual Darkness or Blindness. I thought on this for a while about how as we learn about the Gospel (and as we receive the truth) that we gain vision. I love that the word is 'scales' because that infers layers to me. We all have varying layers of spiritual blindness and varying steps that we need to take to acquire God's perspective, but it is ours to have when we chose it. We choose. We choose (sometimes unknowingly) which scales go up and we choose when they come down. It all depends upon our understanding, knowledge, and perspective. I once heard President Eyring speak at a Stake Conference (he was an Elder at the time) about perspective. He said something very close to this: Perspective is more important than reality, because perspective makes us do things, when reality could be the opposite. I think on this concept periodically so that I can try to gauge whether my perspective reflects reality. 

I hope that I can come to understand my own areas of blindness and gain God's perspective, then, as it states in verse 18 “Satan shall have power over the hearts of the children of men no more.” When all is revealed, and when we have pure and complete knowledge then we will see clearly and Satan will lose his hold on us. Oh, how I long for that day. Sin comes too easily. (See 2 Nephi 4: 15-35) This is why I need continual learning and understanding of what God’s will is for my life. The closer I come to God the easier it is to ignore the taunting of the devil. 

Week 7- The reward of their hands shall be upon them

The reading this week was included chapters 11-24 of 2nd Nephi. That covers so much and since there is no lack of Isaiah's writing, I felt that I was slow to understand.

In my Psychology class this week I had to write a paper about whether man, with all of his possible limitations and/or mental illness or damage to the brain, can truly overcome the "natural man." Do we have true agency? I wrote about the fact that while some men's understandings differ or are limited that ultimately we still have agency. It was an academic paper and therefore did not include my religious views on the matter. I think that God will judge us all fairly and he will take into consideration all that is happening to us physically, mentally, emotionally, chemically, and otherwise. We will not feel cheated by him, but we may feel cheated by our self.

In the reading there were multiple chapters about the wickedness of people and how God's hand is stretched forth against them. In 2 Nephi 13:13 it says "The Lord standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people." 2 Nephi 13:10 says, "Say unto the righteous that it is well with them; for they shall eat the fruit of their doings." The latter part of that statement can be applied to all. Whether we do good or evil we reward ourselves with blessings or punishment. We feed the good or the bad. In verse 11 of that same chapter is says "Wo unto the wicked, for they shall perish; for the reward of their hands shall be upon them."

We choose. God has provided a way. He beckons us to change. He welcomes us into his embrace when we prepare ourselves to do so. He gave us the Atonement through our brother Jesus Christ. Jesus suffered incomprehensibly. There is nothing that we can bring to Him that he cannot heal. No pain is too great. No mistake too grave. In 2 Nephi 15:4 the Lord asks, "What could have been done more?" He has already provided us with everything we need to succeed in returning to our family in heaven. We must learn to understand and learn to use the tools he has provided. When in doubt, pray. He will light the path. Our life is in our hands. Any reward can be ours. 

Week 6- Ask not amiss

This week there were multiple things that I loved learning about on my own and discussing in class. I am really enjoying the insights I receive both personally and from classmates or Brother Griffin.

We spoke about the atonement this week (mainly from 2 Nephi 9 and a few cross-references). My, how Christ suffered. His perfect love is incredible. This is a subject in which I believe that I will never completely understand, but for now, have my flawed-human understanding. As those truths are more deeply revealed over time I can continue to get closer to a more accurate vision of what the Savior has truly done.

This brings me back to 2 Nephi 4. Some call this chapter Nephi's Psalm wherein one can find a pattern to pulling one's self out of depressions or mistakes. He lists desires, personal weakness (plus, the heartache he feels from it), then he counts his blessings and sees the value of looking to God. Then, he does some reevaluating of his behavior. "Why should I yield to sin?" "Why should my heart weep?" and these questions evolve into the praise of God. Because of God he can change. Because of God he can rejoice and move forward. His conviction to act on his desires is clear. "Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord...." Pray. Pour your soul into the hands of God. He speaks of trusting God, and not man. He speaks of knowing that God will give him (and all men) anything that he asks for, if he "ask[s] not amiss."
If our desires are righteous, then God may provide a way for us to accomplish those desires. God is merciful and loving. He will provide. I have myself and my actions to consider. Do I ask amiss? Probably more than I realize, but I hope that I can consider this chapter and pull myself up to higher ground. I am just a woman who makes many mistakes, but I know there is a loving God. I know that I can get past any trial if I trust in Him.

I could quote so much from this chapter. If you are not familiar with it, then perhaps you could take the time to familiarize yourself with it. I think that most people can easily relate to Nephi's words. He is human. Flawed. He is acknowledging his faults and giving himself to God. We can be molded into great things if we strive to live the will of God.

Nephi tells us in verse 15 that he writes the things of his soul on this set of plates. We often keep the things of our souls to ourselves, or maybe we share with a select few. Nephi gives these thoughts and tender feelings to all of us. May we use them wisely.

Week 5- O that thou hadst hearkened

Have you ever had an amazing experience and wanted to share it with your family or someone you really care about? Nephi is having all sorts of miraculous experiences and each time he returns to his family to share and tell, and he is met with arguing, resistance, and stubborn hearts.

1 Ne. 20: 18 In my heart I hear Nephi's own desires for his family. "O that thou hadst hearkened to my commandments- then had thy peace be as a river..." Perhaps he felt a connection with this verse. He has already showed concern for those in Jerusalem, "I have workings in the spirit, which doth weary me even that all my joints are weak," 1 Ne. 19:20. Then in verse 23 says that he shares all that he has to persuade men to more fully believe in God. He mentions likening the scriptures to them.

Nephi loves his brothers. He expresses this multiple times in the Book of Mormon. "My soul is  rent with anguish because of you and my heart is pained." (1Ne. 17:47). I feel like he desires for them to understand the things that he understands, but they will not see.

There are people in my life who I desire to regain a relationship with God. There are people who I wish I could will them to change their lives. O how I wish I could help them see how to attain peace. In my own life, I know that as I keep commandments, listen to promptings, and continue in faith (even when you have a bad week and you dream of quitting) that I receive peace. I am so grateful for this.

Week 4- If God had commanded me...

This new chapter in my life, at times, feels premature. I wasn't planning to return to school yet. I have 3 younger children and a husband who works often to provide for us. When the prompting came, I felt excitement at the idea of returning to school, but hesitant to disrupt my family. My kids need me. Is this really the best decision for my family? I don't think that I will forget the feelings I had that day I was prompted to apply to BYU. I truly believe that I was the recipient of a message from a family member on the other side of the veil. It is a precious memory for me. I've prayed many times since then for confirmation of that initial message. I am out of my comfort zone, frazzled, and stressed out about due dates and tests. (I know, I sound like every college student in the world.) I try to parent more patiently and be aware of their needs at home at school. I still have to fulfill my duties to take care of my home and take care of my family's needs. I still need to go visit women in my ward. I still need to prepare my primary lessons each week, but now I am also a full-time student. It's terrifying some days. I pray and ask if I am misinterpreting my promptings. I go to the temple to try to understand how I can possibly handle everything, and the answer is always the same... "Carry on. Carry on. Carry on."

What is the point of this rant, you say? I'll tell you. Nephi has the answers. "I will go and do." "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." and many more.

Last week, I was reading chapter 17 and came across these words:
"If God had commanded me to do all things, I could do them."  1 Nephi 17:50
Then in verse 51 he says, "[I]f the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

I saw this verse as an easy way to liken the scriptures. You can input trials, commandments, questions, etc.

"If the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should _____________?"
-that I should make changes this drastic?
-that I should know how to improve my marriage?
-that I should juggle everything that is needed in my life?
-that I should know what my child needs?
-that I should remember everything that needs to be accomplished each day? (With a little help from Google Calender.)

With God I can do anything. I seem to need a constant reminder of this. God is aware of me. God is aware of us. He knows what we need. God is aware of changes that we need to make and sorrows in our souls. God is aware and if we will listen to the Spirit we will be led to what we need to do.

Week 3- Desirable above all

Most members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have read, heard, and discussed Chapter 8 of 1 Nephi multiple times. This chapter covers Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life. I love this chapter because I am a visual person. I love physical reminders that can help me remember the spiritual. I love chapter 11 and part of 12 that help us understand the dream.

The part of the reading that really reached out to me pertained to God's Love. 1 Nephi 8:12 says that Lehi PARTOOK of the fruit. He loved it and desired his family to experience what he did. In verse 13 it says that he looks around for his family, he sees a river that flows along the path near the tree where he is PARTAKING of the fruit. This is a continual process. We do not feel God's love once and then become perfect. "Partaking" of the love of God is a process instead of an event. One of the main points in my personal testimony is that there is a loving God who is aware of us. God knows you and is deeply concerned for you. He is on constant standby waiting for you to tap him in to your wrestling matches. He sends angels (1 Ne. 11:30) to minister or attend to our needs. Nephi gave words to my own feelings in 1 Ne. 11:17 "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." We can't explain why different atrocities happen in this life. We cannot explain why they happen to certain people, but we can learn to feel God's love. We can learn to share that love. We can comfort and mourn and preserve the struggling souls around us. We can emulate the behavior of Jesus in the way that he knows how to succor or help us because he has felt our pain. We all have pain but can bear one another up in love and kindness so that we can handle our burdens better. 

Near the end of 1 Ne. 10 there is a pattern. The way is prepared and when we desire and diligently seek to know God and his mysteries that will lead to the process (or unfolding) of the things we desire to know. We will know these things by the "gift and power of the Holy Ghost." The Holy Ghost is vital in feeling the love of God. 

There are many beautiful depictions of the dream that Lehi had. A painting by Steven Lloyd Neal came to mind first, and there is another by Greg Olsen. I love the symbol of the tree of life. There are many, many artists who have shared their versions of the tree. These are only two examples. 

Photo Source

READ: 1 Nephi 12-17

Week 2- Nephi's Softened Heart

This week I was surprised by how many phrases jumped out at me. It is amazing how the Book can do that even after years of being familiar with the text.

One of the lines that made me stop and think is in 1 Nephi 2:16. 

Nephi explains in the previous verses about Laman and Lemuel complaining against, well, everything. Lehi speaks to them with such power that they “shake before him”. It reminded me of other prophets who have had to speak with such power (Abinadi, Joseph Smith…though Lehi wasn’t imprisoned like them). So, after all this Nephi says that he desires to know the mysteries of God so he prays. The line in 2:16 says, “behold [the Lord] did visit me, and did soften my heart…” This isn’t Laman and Lemuel. This isn’t someone with a “hardened” heart against the word. This is obedient Nephi, and his heart still needs softening. Mine must be hard as a rock.

The first time that I genuinely read the book from cover to cover was about 5 years ago. It was a beautiful experience for me because I read out loud to the kids often. I felt the Spirit so steadily that it confirmed my testimony even further. God was willing to talk to me- a lowly, mistake-making, crazy lady, who wasn’t doubting anything, but still read with desire to know and to feel the spirit. I believe that he softens my heart continually. I am learning line upon line, you know, with Babysteps.

Anyway, I hope that you will read this, and I hope that as I send you more of my thoughts that we can talk about it and maybe you will share your thoughts with me too. 

READ: 1 Nephi 4-11

What is to come?

Each week I will be sharing something that I have discovered, learned, loved, etc from my religion class. This semester I am taking a class that covers the first half of the Mormon scriptures called The Book of Mormon.

At the end of each post I will share which chapters I will be reading for the next week's classes. 

READ: Title Page, Introduction, Testimonies, Brief Explanation and 1 Nephi 1-3

I'm new.

I am not new to sharing my feelings. I am not new to being a student. I am not a brand new parent or wife. There are many things about this place in my life that are not new, but the recent combination of roles that I fill is new.

I am a wife of 11 years. I have been a mother for 9+ years. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I am a student, again, for the first time in 12 years. I am a teacher in my local congregation.

This combination of roles in my life is overwhelming at times, but it is something that I have been lead to. This is something that will bless my family if I can find my way through.

I am a religious and spiritual person. I believe in revelation from a higher being. I believe in God. I believe in loving Heavenly Parents who watch over us and send angels to guide our path...if we are listening. I believe in intuition, but I also believe in guidance from the Holy Ghost and other angels around us. I believe that I am saved because my Eldest Brother offered himself to save me. I believe that I will always feel like I am not good enough, but also that I am someone worth fighting for.

I have many, many more thoughts I could share, but to keep things brief today, I will cease rambling.

My words may not be worth your time, but they are something I want to collect for myself. I will be using this blog to share my insights, feelings, impressions, and knowledge as I explore the scriptures and other worthy texts.