Week 14- About to Turn Back

This year has been full of change. My family has been altered by so much newness in our lives. Coming back to school was not a decision that we took lightly, but I still was not prepared. 

I have learned to trust God more deeply. I have learned that God provides a way when a prompting is given. I have learned that I have control over almost nothing in my life, and that when I stop trying to control everything that peace comes and things work themselves out. I have also learned that God is aware of me and my family. Obedience brings blessings and as I strive to prioritize correctly, that God will bless my family in spite of our lack of time, energy, etc. I have struggled in multiple ways. I have had confusion and sorrow fill my mind. I have felt overwhelmed. I felt like a failure in so many ways. 

In the Book of Mormon, Ammon shares something in Alma 26 that stood out to me. "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold the Lord comforted us, and said: Go...and bear with patience thine afflictions and I will give you success." (Alma 26:27). This verse rings true to me in so many ways. I have questioned myself, my ability to receive revelation, my ability to succeed, and more. I have cried and worried and continued to turn to God for confirmation of my choices. And when I was ready to quit (turn back), God sent comfort. Comfort sometimes came as a peaceful feeling. It came as a sister or mother checking on me. It came as a neighbor who offered to bring dinner after I had prayed about feeling lonely. 

As I have been been optimistic and patient in all of my stress, I truly have been given bits of success. I've had ideas to help my children or have gotten a decent score on a test when my study time was extremely limited. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Spencer W. Kimball, "Unless the way we live draws us closer to our Heavenly Father and to our fellowmen, there will be an enormous emptiness in our lives." He also has said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other..."

Ammon was an incredible example of serving others and showing God's true love. He was a patient teacher and trusted God's time table, because of this he was able to convert many to the Gospel. "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things..."  (Almo 26:12)

If you read the story of Ammon, you know that he is not weak, but he didn't claim the strength and ability he had. He credits God for all that he is able to do. 

I know that this year I have been lead to do things that I did not have strength to do on my own. I know that God has given me strength and sent living angels to help me move forward. I am so thankful for all that I am learning and for the opportunities that I am being prepared for. I pray that my faith will continue to grow and that I can share my own testimony through who I am and the things I choose to do. I love my Heavenly Parents with all my heart and I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices that have been made by my earthly parents (and in-laws), grandparents, and other ancestors who have made my life possible. We really are connected more than I ever realized. I am grateful for God's comfort and for support of my husband and family as we continue on this journey. 

Week- 13 O Lord, Give Us Strength

This semester has stretched me in ways that I did not foresee. I have tried very hard to listen for direction. During low points, I have pleaded for confirmation of my current course or redirection if necessary. 

I have learned that I am limited. That isn't a bad thing, but it is frustrating at times when I cannot do I that I hope to do. I have had to learn to let go of my own understanding of success and do the best I can with who I am and what I have. Aligning my will with God's has been refining and difficult, but also deepening, inspiring, and hopeful. 

We have been continuing in the Book of Alma in my class. As I have relearned Alma and Amulek's story, I have learned much. As we walk the narrow path it is surely not easy. Alma is rejected, but still commanded to return and try again. Amulek helped Alma, and then, when the people destroy the believers by fire, reason tells us that his family was likely among the victims. He loses his family. He longs to call on God to deliver them, but he is asked to have faith and wait. How difficult that must have been for both Alma and Amulek to have to stand by and see the torture. They withstand terrible prison conditions- treated in the opposite way in how God asks us to treat others. They were hungry, thirsty, naked, and bound. They were abused and mocked, yet they remained silent. This is just another example where I see similitude to that of Jesus Christ. They were patient in their afflictions until the power of God came upon them and they rise. Then Alma asks (Alma 15:26), "How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? O Lord, give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance."  I have prayed this (in different words) before. I have had difficulties and struggles, just like everyone else. I get overwhelmed and discouraged. I deal with depressive tendencies and self-doubt. I worry that I am ruining my children and not doing enough in my marriage. I worry that my efforts in school will never be enough. I fear failure. And yet, I have faith that God will lead me. I can learn to be more patient in my afflictions like Alma and Amulek. My trials are different and not as extreme as theirs, but the struggle is enormous at times for me. I am grateful for the knowledge that the scriptures give me. I am so thankful for the people of the past who influence my future and improve my understanding of what I desire. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents who watch over me, love me, and encourage me through prayer, the words of the prophets, and through personal revelation. 

Miracles happen for Alma and Amulek and they emerge unharmed, even thought logic cannot explain this. They do not hesitate to continue in teaching people about God's plan. How they must have emerged stronger, more faithful, and dealing with some very painful realities. Amulek joins Alma as they move on to a new town to teach and their story goes on from their. 

I did not remember much about Amulek before reading, but I will not be forgetting his strength and faith any time soon. I will look to him, and Alma, and Abinadi, and others who have lived to share God's love and His call to come unto Him. I hope that I too can teach those around me and that my weaknesses will not prevent me from acting how God would have me act regardless of the difficulties ahead. I am so grateful for my journey here on this earth. May God give us all strength.