Week 4- If God had commanded me...

This new chapter in my life, at times, feels premature. I wasn't planning to return to school yet. I have 3 younger children and a husband who works often to provide for us. When the prompting came, I felt excitement at the idea of returning to school, but hesitant to disrupt my family. My kids need me. Is this really the best decision for my family? I don't think that I will forget the feelings I had that day I was prompted to apply to BYU. I truly believe that I was the recipient of a message from a family member on the other side of the veil. It is a precious memory for me. I've prayed many times since then for confirmation of that initial message. I am out of my comfort zone, frazzled, and stressed out about due dates and tests. (I know, I sound like every college student in the world.) I try to parent more patiently and be aware of their needs at home at school. I still have to fulfill my duties to take care of my home and take care of my family's needs. I still need to go visit women in my ward. I still need to prepare my primary lessons each week, but now I am also a full-time student. It's terrifying some days. I pray and ask if I am misinterpreting my promptings. I go to the temple to try to understand how I can possibly handle everything, and the answer is always the same... "Carry on. Carry on. Carry on."

What is the point of this rant, you say? I'll tell you. Nephi has the answers. "I will go and do." "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." and many more.

Last week, I was reading chapter 17 and came across these words:
"If God had commanded me to do all things, I could do them."  1 Nephi 17:50
Then in verse 51 he says, "[I]f the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

I saw this verse as an easy way to liken the scriptures. You can input trials, commandments, questions, etc.

"If the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should _____________?"
-that I should make changes this drastic?
-that I should know how to improve my marriage?
-that I should juggle everything that is needed in my life?
-that I should know what my child needs?
-that I should remember everything that needs to be accomplished each day? (With a little help from Google Calender.)

With God I can do anything. I seem to need a constant reminder of this. God is aware of me. God is aware of us. He knows what we need. God is aware of changes that we need to make and sorrows in our souls. God is aware and if we will listen to the Spirit we will be led to what we need to do.

Week 3- Desirable above all

Most members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have read, heard, and discussed Chapter 8 of 1 Nephi multiple times. This chapter covers Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life. I love this chapter because I am a visual person. I love physical reminders that can help me remember the spiritual. I love chapter 11 and part of 12 that help us understand the dream.

The part of the reading that really reached out to me pertained to God's Love. 1 Nephi 8:12 says that Lehi PARTOOK of the fruit. He loved it and desired his family to experience what he did. In verse 13 it says that he looks around for his family, he sees a river that flows along the path near the tree where he is PARTAKING of the fruit. This is a continual process. We do not feel God's love once and then become perfect. "Partaking" of the love of God is a process instead of an event. One of the main points in my personal testimony is that there is a loving God who is aware of us. God knows you and is deeply concerned for you. He is on constant standby waiting for you to tap him in to your wrestling matches. He sends angels (1 Ne. 11:30) to minister or attend to our needs. Nephi gave words to my own feelings in 1 Ne. 11:17 "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." We can't explain why different atrocities happen in this life. We cannot explain why they happen to certain people, but we can learn to feel God's love. We can learn to share that love. We can comfort and mourn and preserve the struggling souls around us. We can emulate the behavior of Jesus in the way that he knows how to succor or help us because he has felt our pain. We all have pain but can bear one another up in love and kindness so that we can handle our burdens better. 

Near the end of 1 Ne. 10 there is a pattern. The way is prepared and when we desire and diligently seek to know God and his mysteries that will lead to the process (or unfolding) of the things we desire to know. We will know these things by the "gift and power of the Holy Ghost." The Holy Ghost is vital in feeling the love of God. 

There are many beautiful depictions of the dream that Lehi had. A painting by Steven Lloyd Neal came to mind first, and there is another by Greg Olsen. I love the symbol of the tree of life. There are many, many artists who have shared their versions of the tree. These are only two examples. 

Photo Source

READ: 1 Nephi 12-17

Week 2- Nephi's Softened Heart

This week I was surprised by how many phrases jumped out at me. It is amazing how the Book can do that even after years of being familiar with the text.

One of the lines that made me stop and think is in 1 Nephi 2:16. 

Nephi explains in the previous verses about Laman and Lemuel complaining against, well, everything. Lehi speaks to them with such power that they “shake before him”. It reminded me of other prophets who have had to speak with such power (Abinadi, Joseph Smith…though Lehi wasn’t imprisoned like them). So, after all this Nephi says that he desires to know the mysteries of God so he prays. The line in 2:16 says, “behold [the Lord] did visit me, and did soften my heart…” This isn’t Laman and Lemuel. This isn’t someone with a “hardened” heart against the word. This is obedient Nephi, and his heart still needs softening. Mine must be hard as a rock.

The first time that I genuinely read the book from cover to cover was about 5 years ago. It was a beautiful experience for me because I read out loud to the kids often. I felt the Spirit so steadily that it confirmed my testimony even further. God was willing to talk to me- a lowly, mistake-making, crazy lady, who wasn’t doubting anything, but still read with desire to know and to feel the spirit. I believe that he softens my heart continually. I am learning line upon line, you know, with Babysteps.

Anyway, I hope that you will read this, and I hope that as I send you more of my thoughts that we can talk about it and maybe you will share your thoughts with me too. 

READ: 1 Nephi 4-11

What is to come?

Each week I will be sharing something that I have discovered, learned, loved, etc from my religion class. This semester I am taking a class that covers the first half of the Mormon scriptures called The Book of Mormon.

At the end of each post I will share which chapters I will be reading for the next week's classes. 

READ: Title Page, Introduction, Testimonies, Brief Explanation and 1 Nephi 1-3

I'm new.

I am not new to sharing my feelings. I am not new to being a student. I am not a brand new parent or wife. There are many things about this place in my life that are not new, but the recent combination of roles that I fill is new.

I am a wife of 11 years. I have been a mother for 9+ years. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I am a student, again, for the first time in 12 years. I am a teacher in my local congregation.

This combination of roles in my life is overwhelming at times, but it is something that I have been lead to. This is something that will bless my family if I can find my way through.

I am a religious and spiritual person. I believe in revelation from a higher being. I believe in God. I believe in loving Heavenly Parents who watch over us and send angels to guide our path...if we are listening. I believe in intuition, but I also believe in guidance from the Holy Ghost and other angels around us. I believe that I am saved because my Eldest Brother offered himself to save me. I believe that I will always feel like I am not good enough, but also that I am someone worth fighting for.

I have many, many more thoughts I could share, but to keep things brief today, I will cease rambling.

My words may not be worth your time, but they are something I want to collect for myself. I will be using this blog to share my insights, feelings, impressions, and knowledge as I explore the scriptures and other worthy texts.